Cabin Fever

Greg wants to avoid the neighbors on his block when he goes to shovel snow because each one reminds him of an awkward experience from his past. One woman is far too affectionate, and Greg recalls that another neighbor walked in on him once when he was in the bathroom. Greg recalls yet another neighbor being mocked by Greg’s father on Halloween, when Greg’s dad thought that the man’s bad teeth were part of a Halloween costume.

Greg decides to go to the next block to avoid reliving these memories, and he eventually winds up at the house of an elderly lady who invites him inside. Wanting to be polite, Greg agrees. After he spends an hour sitting with her, the woman admits that she doesn’t need her driveway shoveled, and Greg realizes that he has wasted his time. Finally, Greg finds a surly-looking man who agrees to pay him $5 to shovel the driveway. Unfortunately, it starts to snow, and Greg can’t keep up with the new snow all over the ground. The man insists that he will only pay Greg when the driveway is cleared, so Greg turns on the hose and waters it down. Within hours, ice forms, causing the man to slip, and Greg and his father have to sand the man’s driveway for him. Greg dumps sand as his father watches from the car with a disapproving look on his face.

Greg’s dad lectures him about his lack of judgment and foresight, and this moment reminds Greg of an incident that occurred several weeks ago. Greg’s father bought a new sports car, which Greg’s mother thought was far too extravagant. When Greg got a bumper sticker from his school which read, “My child is the student of the week and I’m mighty proud!” (83), Greg asked his dad to put it on his car, but Greg’s dad refused. Greg decided to give the sticker to Manny instead, but Manny pasted the sticker onto the new car’s driver-side door. Greg panicked, knowing that he would be blamed, and he managed to scrub the sticker off with steel wool. He also cleaned some other parts of his dad’s car, believing that he was helping. It wasn’t until later that Greg noticed that he had scratched the paint off the car. Greg’s dad was furious, but his mother defended Greg. The paint was too costly to replace, so Greg’s dad traded the sports car in for a used minivan—one that had the same bumper sticker already on it.

Greg goes with his family to church every Sunday, but this week, they attend the later folk service, which has a stronger focus on music. Rodrick joins the band, thinking that he will get to play drums, but he ends up standing on stage with maracas instead. This moment reminds Greg of the time he signed up for the church’s pre-teen club, which turned out to be full of elementary kids. Greg’s church also has a yearly “giving tree” event, in which people anonymously leave notes on a tree asking for something, and then others can donate to them. Greg decides to write a note asking for cash, but he requests that the donor leave the money underneath the church recycling bin. He knows that his parents wouldn’t approve of this request.

At Greg’s school, some of the tables were recently blocked off so that students with nut allergies can eat separately. Greg points out that there doesn’t seem to be anyone with a nut allergy at his school, and now everyone is crammed into a smaller area. The school has also been replacing junk food and soda with healthier options and bottled water, which they have placed right next to the drinking fountain. The biggest change has been the ban on energy drinks after several students had trouble controlling their behavior in class or became jittery. After the energy drinks were banned, several students went into withdrawal, and one began selling the drinks secretly. When the students were caught at this, they poured out the drinks and then soaked the liquid up later with their socks.

Greg understands the junk food ban to a degree and knows that he and the other students are definitely out of shape. During gym class, they are tested for their fitness level. The boys have to do full push-ups while the girls are allowed to support themselves on their knees. Some of the girls complain that they should be able to do regular push-ups, and the gym teacher replies that they can do so if they like. Greg compares their protest to the Boston Tea Party and tries to make a similar protest by asking to complete push-ups on his knees like the girls. However, the only boys who want to do knee push-ups are questionable at best, so Greg decides to forego his protest. Instead, he draws abdominal muscles on his body with mascara, and some of the other boys copy him. Greg’s drawing is fairly realistic, but the other boys lack artistic ability, and the makeup starts to run during gym class anyway.