Goodbye, Vitamin

Ruth picks Linus up from the airport, and they stop for sandwiches. While waiting for their food, Linus asks how their father is doing. Ruth admits that he is “not so thrilled with me” (123) and recalls that Howard forgot the word for “pencil” earlier that day, calling it a “needle.” She tells Linus how the day before Howard took too many fish oil capsules at once, threw up, and sprung a nosebleed.

Howard is waiting for his children when they arrive home. They sit together in the kitchen, drinking coffee, and Howard asks Linus how his girlfriend is. Linus responds that they broke up and flinches when Howard says he’s sorry and puts his hand on his shoulder.

Linus, Howard, and Ruth struggle to re-learn how to live together after so many years of living separately. There is a distinct awkwardness between them and misunderstandings create hurt feelings, such as when Linus gives Howard a crossword puzzle book as a late birthday present and Howard responds, “Keep me sharp?” (125). Linus tries to take the book back, saying that if Howard does not want it then it is fine. Ruth intervenes, bringing Howard a pencil for the book.

Joan calls the house and asks to speak to Howard. When Ruth tells her that is not a good idea, Joan quietly says, “He doesn’t remember me” (126). Ruth asks what he doesn’t remember, and Joan stays quiet. Ruth recalls Howard’s doctor saying that short-term memory is the first thing to lapse. Joan leaves a note in the Youngs’ mailbox. The outer envelope is addressed to Ruth, but inside is a sealed letter for Howard. Ruth throws it away.

On May 21st, Annie tells Ruth that some of Howard’s students are coming over for dinner and sends her to the grocery store with a list. When Ruth gets home, she sees Joan and Theo in the kitchen already preparing appetizers. Joan hugs Ruth like they are old friends. They eat takeout for dinner, and Theo and Joan tell stories about their childhoods and laugh at stories Annie and Howard tell about Linus and Ruth as kids. Ruth watches her father but sees that he does not pay any particular attention to Joan during dinner. Ruth feels Theo watching her, but she does not meet his gaze.

After dinner, Ruth and her mother clean up the kitchen. Annie remarks that Joan is “lovely,” indicating that she knows about whatever took place between Howard and Joan. Suddenly angry, Ruth asks her mother what she is trying to accomplish and reminds her that she does not deserve any of this and that her father’s infidelity is not her fault. Annie is quiet for a moment and then responds “You have no right. [...] Why couldn’t you visit, Ruth? [...] Why couldn’t you manage to visit?” (128). Ruth thinks about the fact that she could not bear to see her mother in pain, that it was easier to stay away than to face the truth of her father’s transgressions. Ruth says nothing, and Annie says, quietly “This wasn’t how I thought it would be [...] Having a daughter” (129) before leaving Ruth alone in the kitchen.

Ruth’s mother has Howard sleep on the couch in his study, while she stays in their bedroom. Ruth gives him a pillow from her bed, and Howard is confused about the new arrangement. Annie ignores the rest of the family and comes home late, retreating at once to her room. Howard bangs on Annie’s bedroom door and cries, but she refuses to respond. Ruth remembers a night in college when Linus called her to tell her that their father was out late again and that their mother was “being her usual self, too patient and too forgiving” (130). Ruth recalls that Linus wanted to do something, to make their mother understand that she did not deserve this kind of treatment, but neither of them knew what to do.

Ruth reads another page of her father’s journal and rips it to shreds. She tries to throw the pieces away but finds that she cannot, instead putting them in her pocket. Ruth feels responsible for not intervening sooner to help her mother. She reflects on “what imperfect carriers of love we are” (131). Ruth worries that her mother gave and gave to Howard until there was nothing left of her.

On May 29th, the police arrive at their house in the middle of the night. They ask if this is Howard Young’s house and tell them that a neighbor found Howard two streets over, sitting on a porch. Howard appears behind them wearing only his boxer shorts. The police leave, and Howard sits down on the couch, surprised at the situation he finds himself in. Annie sits beside him, and Howard starts to cry. Annie says nothing, but hugs Howard and kisses the side of his face, whispering “Stupid, stupid, stupid” (132).

In her May 30th entry, Ruth reflects on her relationship with Joel and whether the time spent with him counted for anything. She feels guilty for spending time on “what turns out not to matter, and neglecting the things that did, and do” (133). She thinks about the other brief relationships she had after Joel, and Bonnie encourages her to forget Joel. Ruth wishes that people would consider their own subjective experiences before offering advice.

Ruth regrets that she lost touch with Bonnie during the year she lived in Connecticut with Joel. At the time, Bonnie tried to convince Ruth that quitting school to follow Joel was the wrong decision, and instead of listening to her, Ruth cut her off.

Ruth returns to the Alzheimer’s message boards and writes a post in which she questions whether she is “cut out” to be a caregiver. The responses range from supportive to nonsequiturs, like someone telling the history of the phrase “cut out.”

Ruth goes into her father’s study and feels ashamed for not having checked on it sooner: She finds it in a state of disarray. She finds a bed sheet draped over the fish tank and sees that the fish have turned white from lack of light. She goes downstairs and finds Howard in the kitchen, peeling and eating a clementine. Ruth cannot help but think of people in the later stages of Alzheimer’s who sometimes neglect to peel their fruit and eat bananas and oranges whole.