How To Talk To Anyone

“Prosaic with Passion” suggests that even mundane remarks can become enthralling when delivered with enthusiasm and sincerity. For example, during World War II, politician Samuel I. Hayakawa used simple language to defuse tension among a crowd. This highlights how simple language can break down barriers of fear and suspicion. First impressions are critical; therefore, opening a conversation with negativity is cautioned against. The key takeaway is to focus less on the complexity of words and more on their emotional resonance.

Wearing a “Whatzit” is an effective technique for initiating conversations in both social and professional contexts. A “Whatzit” is an object one wears or carries that is unusual enough to pique curiosity and prompt strangers to approach. One can also be a “Whatzit Seeker,” scanning for potential conversation starters on other people.

The “Whoozat” technique is effective for initiating conversations with those lacking a visible “Whatzit.” In a social setting, asking the host for an introduction is a simple solution. On the other hand, one can simply gather enough information for potential icebreakers.

The “Eavesdrop In” technique is a solution for breaking into a tightly knit group of people when options like the “Whatzit” or “Whoozat” techniques are unavailable. To use this technique, one must position themselves close to a group and listen for a word or topic that can be used as an entry point into their conversation. The technique hinges on the phrase “Excuse me, I couldn’t help overhearing that you…” (61) followed by a relevant comment or question. Though people may be surprised by the intrusion, the awkwardness usually dissipates. The “Eavesdrop In” technique is framed as a last resort for meeting someone specific.

The “Never the Naked City” technique elevates small talk by enriching answers to the ubiquitous question “Where are you from?” Rather than giving a one-word response, the method advocates for including anecdotes or fun facts about one’s hometown. For example, someone from Columbus, Ohio, could mention that their town is often dubbed “the most American city in America,” inviting further discussion. The strategy also emphasizes the importance of tailoring information based on a listener’s interests.

The “Never the Naked Job” technique advocates for going beyond job titles when responding to the common question, “What do you do?” Instead of giving a brief, potentially confusing title, the method suggests providing context for one’s profession. For example, rather than simply saying “I’m an attorney,” one could elaborate: “Our firm specializes in employment law. In fact, now I’m involved in a case where a company actually discharged a woman for taking extra maternity leave that was a medical necessity” (68-69). This strategy tailors the conversation to make it more engaging.

“Never the Naked Introduction” emphasizes the importance of enriching introductions between people to facilitate better conversations. Instead of simply stating names, the technique suggests adding icebreakers for immediate discussion. For example, instead of introducing someone as “John,” one can say, “Susan, I’d like you to meet John. John has a wonderful boat we took a trip on last summer” (71). This additional context allows both parties to dive into a range of topics, from boating to travel. This makes for more engaging conversation.

“[Being] a Word Detective” emphasizes listening to conversational cues in order to revive or deepen dialogue. To keep a conversation engaging, it’s important to identify topics that are of genuine interest to listeners—such as unusual references to other people, places, or times. For example, in a conversation between nurse Nancy and elderly patient Mrs. Otis, Nancy noted Mrs. Otis’s comment about plants and changed subjects to keep her talking.

“Swiveling Spotlight” is a method for enhancing social interactions by focusing attention on the other person in a conversation. One anecdote highlights a man named Dan, who, despite leading an extraordinary life, always centers discussions on other people. This principle extends beyond casual encounters; in sales, shifting focus from a product to a potential buyer can improve chances of making a sale by making the buyer feel valued.

“Parroting” is another technique for revitalizing dying discussions. By repeating a conversational partner’s last words with an inquisitive tone, one can redirect the conversation and encourage elaboration. This can be particularly useful in instances where one is at a loss for what to say next. For example, a used-car salesman named Paul employed the technique to probe a customer’s objections to purchasing a car. Parroting not only helps maintain the flow of conversation but provides an avenue to explore deeper feelings and thoughts that people may not be fully aware of themselves.

“Encore!” encourages someone to retell a story, making them the focus of conversation and often animating them in the process. The phrase “Tell them about the time you…” (85) is a useful prompt to get other people talking. This technique works well in social situations, where people can share experiences or expertise. It also provides a way to gracefully exit a conversation, as once the speaker is engaged in storytelling, one can slip away. The story chosen should make the speaker look good, reinforcing the technique’s success.

Presenting a positive image, particularly when meeting someone for the first time, is important. Sharing negative or personal information too quickly is cautioned against, as people may not be able to contextualize this information early in a relationship. While vulnerability can be endearing when coming from someone of higher status or later in a relationship, it can also have the opposite effect. “AC-CEN-TU-ATE THE POS-I-TIVE” advises “[locking] your closet door and [saving] your skeletons for later” (88). Instead of delving into personal flaws or struggles, the recommendation is to focus on positive elements to build a foundation and leave room for a deeper connection.

Being prepared with conversational topics is crucial for making a good impression, especially when networking. This preparation involves more than choosing the right attire: Rather than leaving conversational topics to chance, a smart strategy is to inform oneself of current news. This helps generate “great conversational fodder, no matter what crowd you’re circulating in” (90).