How To Talk To Anyone

One’s own answer to “What do you do?” can impact job-seeking and networking. It is advised to focus on specific skills or experiences that align with a listener’s interests. The concept of a “Nutshell Résumé” is introduced, a personalized response. For example, a sales trainer can offer a “proven method that can increase your sales from 20 to 30 percent over the next twelve months” (99) to make an impact.

Having a rich vocabulary is not just an academic asset but a tool that can shape others’ perception. Using a range of words can make one seem more intelligent, leading to benefits like job promotions. A simple 50-word shift from common phrases can elevate one’s language from mundane to compelling; the use of a thesaurus, self-made or otherwise, can help with this process. When courting someone, terms like “elegant” and “stunning” can create more of an impact than overused words like “pretty” and “nice.”

“Kill the Quick ‘Me, Too!’” suggests that when someone mentions a shared interest or experience, it’s more effective to withhold one’s similarity until later in a conversation. This approach enhances rapport by allowing the other person to enjoy talking about their interests. For example, waiting to disclose one’s hometown until after someone talks about their trip there can turn into an engaging moment of connection. This technique can make one appear more confident and less eager for immediate rapport; timing is key, as waiting too long to disclose a shared interest can be seen as manipulative.

“Comm-YOU-nication” emphasizes the importance of using the word “you” to directly engage someone’s interest. The method is grounded in the argument that humans are inherently self-centered, translating all interactions into terms of personal relevance. For example, instead of asking “Can I take Friday off, Boss?” asking “Boss, can you do without me Friday?” (111) is more effective. The latter question “made managing without you a matter of pride for Boss” (112). This strategy engages people and positions one as someone who understands their needs or desires.

“Exclusive [Smiling]” highlights the significance of tailoring one’s smile. Using a unique smile for each person not only grabs attention but makes the person feel special. This is contrasted with a hypothetical man who uses the same smile for everyone, devaluing its impact over time. Tailored smiles are recommended for high-stakes interactions.

Utilizing clichés is discouraged because it may reflect poorly on the speaker’s creativity and thoughtfulness. Phrases like “tired as a dog” and “cute as a button” are considered linguistic pitfalls, signaling a lack of originality. Refraining from such phrases is recommended for high-stakes interactions.

Motivational speakers make full use of their voices and body language to convey messages. They utilize silence, speed, and tone to maintain engagement, while avoiding clichés. Effective speakers are also adept at using humor to break tension and elevate standing.

Authority through the use of euphemisms distinguishes the confident from the less confident. While less confident individuals may resort to more polite language, confident people “aren’t afraid of real words” (127). For example, they would refer to someone as “rich” rather than “wealthy.” However, they would still use anatomically correct terms, not overly casual or vague language.

Teasing or making jokes at someone else’s expense is to be avoided if one wishes to advance in social or professional circles. This is illustrated through an anecdote about a dinner party, where a young woman’s comment about the host’s inebriation creates a tense moment. Such teasing may get a quick laugh but can negatively impact one’s standing among peers and superiors.

Delivering bad news with sensitivity is an important skill. The issue is not the bad news itself, but the manner in which it is conveyed. For example, medical professionals learn to break bad news with compassion. This principle, “It’s the Receiver’s Ball” (132), emphasizes prioritizing the receiver’s emotions to minimize negative reactions.

When handling intrusive questions, it is advised to “simply repeat your original response. Use precisely the same words in precisely the same tone of voice” (135). This tactic is “the Broken Record,” one meant to shut down such questions without becoming confrontational or revealing more information than desired.

Engaging with a celebrity requires a balanced approach that acknowledges their work without intruding on their privacy. One should remain composed and approach a celebrity when it’s least inconvenient for them. Instead of praising their (ideally recent) work, it’s better to express how much “pleasure or insight it’s given you” (138); this avoids placing oneself in the position of a critic. If the celebrity is accompanied, involving their companion in conversation is polite. Finally, if a celebrity attends one’s event, it’s best to avoid putting them on the spot.

“Never the Naked Thank You” advocates for specifying gratitude. A simple “thank you” can go unnoticed because of its common use, thus making expressions of gratitude like “Thank you for coming” more impactful. This specificity encourages positive behavior.