How To Talk To Anyone

Making a strong first impression influences how one is perceived: One should pause to assess a scene before taking decisive action, this pause commanding attention. This quality is cultivated, with politicians in particular employing a technique called “Rubberneck the Room.” Upon arrival at an event, they stop in a doorway and slowly scan the room to gauge the atmosphere.

In social situations, it’s often more advantageous to be proactive than wait for others to approach. For example, politicians actively scan a room and choose whom to engage with based on potential benefits. Being the “Chooser, not the Choosee” enables one to take control of interactions. Like previous points about eye contact, one study highlighted the importance of actively seeking connections: Participants who utilized silent eye contact could identify qualities in people that were personal to them, even in a crowd. This proactivity, starting with eye contact, can be as simple as initiating a conversation with an introduction and neutral question—paving the way for more meaningful interactions.

Body language can send powerful messages about approachability in social situations. Studies have shown that people are more comfortable approaching those who display open body language, such as uncrossed arms. Holding an object between one and others can serve as a “subliminal cutoff,” discouraging interaction. To invite conversation and possibly romantic interest, one should focus on their hands: “Vulnerable, open palms signify ‘I have nothing to hide’” (279). Furthermore, positioning oneself near a doorway maximizes visibility—a technique called “Tracking.”

Continuing the idea of “Tracking,” it emphasizes the importance of remembering minor details about people to create intimacy. People often center their experiences, as if they were movie stars. Acknowledging minor details—like what someone ate for breakfast or their choice of footwear—makes the person feel valued. Politicians often use this technique, retaining information for future interactions and opportunities.

“The Business Card Dossier,” the practice of notetaking on business cards, is a strategy for building relationships and leaving lasting impressions. It involves jotting down details from conversations—such as conversational partners’ favorite restaurants or movies—and using these notes for future interactions. In an anecdote, a man named Joe employed this method during a political fundraising event. Months later, he sent a personalized postcard that referenced a preferred wine, impressing the receiver.

“Eyeball Selling” comprises observing a customer’s nonverbal cues to tailor a sales pitch in real time. Instead of adhering to a script, a salesperson should pay attention to their customer’s body language, including “fidgets, twitches, and squirms” (288), to understand what excites or repels them. Identifying the customer’s wants, adjusting one’s pitch, and timing the pitch are key strategies that also apply to personal relationships.