The Bell

As a young man, Michael Meade felt destined to become a priest, and he has lived most of his adult life with this ideal in mind, striving to be good in the strictly religious sense of the word. However, he has fallen short in a profound way: Michael is gay. What is more, Michael has acted on his feelings. At age 25, while working at a high school, he became infatuated with a then 15-year-old Nick Fawley—an event that shapes the rest of both of their lives. Michael allows a platonic yet passionate relationship to develop, and this causes young Nick so much anguish that he confesses everything to the headmaster, causing Michael’s dismissal and a delay in his ordination.

In the intervening years, Michael has been working hard to find a higher sense of purpose in order to atone for his sins. He finds this through conversations with Mother Clare, the Abbess of Imber Abbey, which borders the estate Michael owns. Thus, he decides to form a lay community, of which he becomes the default leader against his own instincts; when he meets James Tayper Pace, he strikes Michael as much more suitable for the job, being both very religious and pragmatic—in some ways Michael’s opposite.

Since Michael has not come to terms with his inner emotions and fears, the past comes back to haunt him in the form of the now adult Nick Crawley, whose twin sister is a postulant at the Abbey and living at Imber Court. Nick has led a dissolute life, and he is nervous and often sarcastic with Michael, both painfully aware of the past they share. The arrival of young Toby Gashe awakens similar emotions in Michael as it has in Dora—except that Michael projects his feelings for Nick onto Toby because he does not have the strength to confess them to Nick himself. He again succumbs to his impulses, and this leads him to realize that he is not suited for the life of a priest. When Nick kills himself, Michael feels deeply responsible and understands that he will have to carry the burden of his actions and nonactions throughout his worldly life. He leaves the estate to the convent and finds another job as a teacher.

Toby is 18 years old and just finishing high school. He comes to visit Imber Court after James gives a speech at his school, sparking his interest in religion and communal living. Toby is slim and has a “wide-eyed insolent look of the happy person” (19). He is excited to be going on an adventure and does not grasp at the outset the seriousness of events that take place around him.

Toby’s arrival signals many changes in those around him. James sees him as a young protégé who can be a good and healthy influence on Nick Fawley. Michael immediately recognizes a spark of interest and attraction, especially in Toby’s naïve wonder and easygoing disposition. Dora at first sees him as a child, even though she is only a few years older, but after their plan to substitute the bells begins, they develop an attraction that reinforces Toby’s belief in his heterosexuality in the wake of his kiss with Michael.

Toby experiences a profound process of maturation as he questions his sexuality and his faith. Unlike Nick Fawley, whose temperament is nervous, Toby is stronger, healthier in disposition, and not prone to overthinking, which ultimately saves him. Once he has established Dora as a suitable object of desire, Toby can put his feelings for Michael into context, and he leaves Imber Court without lasting repercussions. In a letter he writes to Michael once he has begun university, Toby shows that he has put the episode firmly behind him as something formative yet not defining, which speaks to the strength and simplicity of his character.