The Collected Schizophrenias

Throughout this series of essays, Wang explores the fine line between fantasy and reality and how delusions that are typical of schizoaffective disorder and schizophrenia can be fed by convincing fictional narratives. Wang compares her own experiences with this problem to an extreme and well-known example: The stabbing of Payton Leutner by her friends on behalf of the fictional “Slenderman.” Wang contrasts her immersion with the film The NeverEnding Story to today’s online immersion and points out how much more potent and realistic online narratives are than film. Before Wang experienced psychosis, she was prone to delusions like believing she was part of a storybook. This delusion was inspired by The NeverEnding Story but became so real that Wang’s friends became unsettled by how convinced she was. Reflecting on how easy it was for her to fall into that trap, she feels it is sad but unsurprising that two girls, one of whom was diagnosed with schizophrenia, could fall victim to their delusions. She wonders what may have become of her had she grown up with the internet as it exists today and what would have happened to Payton’s attackers if they were interested in something more innocent like Wang was. A third comparison is introduced when Wang discusses her experiences watching the film Lucy in adulthood and started to believe that she could unlock hidden portions of her brain.

Wang points out that “imagination has a power in childhood that it lacks in older years” (118), but that for someone with schizoaffective disorder, this power remains fully active and is something of which she must remain vigilant. Wang makes it clear that there are many similarities between the imaginative delusions of childhood and the delusions of psychotic disorders. She draws a tangible comparison to CGI in films, which can easily be misunderstood for real footage. This creates another touchstone for her readers, giving them a glimpse into her experience through a readily understood comparison. With this, Wang asserts that the line between reality and fantasy is much thinner than many believe. This is further solidified by Wang’s experiences with PTSD and seeing her ex-boyfriend, John, in various places. Wang felt unable to distinguish reality from the hallucinations her mind was creating, and this caused deep distress within her. Similar to the way that Anissa Weir and Morgan Geyser found solace in violent media, Wang relates that she began reading gruesome fiction and watching violent movies to cope with her PTSD. She explains that “some PTSD sufferers consciously or unconsciously put themselves in danger to ‘fix’ the original trauma” (136), giving additional insight into behaviors that might be hard to understand.

This series of essays is unique in that Wang refrains from relying on logos to make her arguments, instead rooting her argument in the understanding that delusions and hallucinations do not often make logical sense. Since delusions like believing one is in a storybook or that they are going to go live with Slenderman are inspired by stories that a person finds in their waking life, there is always a danger of conflating the story with reality. This is true of people with and without mental disorders. Nonsensical delusions may lead to nonsensical acts, great or small, and it is ironically logical to suspend logic for the sake of examining them. Similarly, a person’s experiences with delusions and hallucinations become part of who they are and shape their perceptions of themselves and the world, showcasing The Interweaving of Mental Illness With Identity.