The Collected Schizophrenias

When Wang was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, it meant that others would perceive her as virtually incapable of being “high-functioning.” “High-functioning” in this case means being able to live a self-sufficient life. In 2017, she went to a mental health clinic in Chinatown to tell her story on behalf of a bureau she belonged to. She describes her clothing and makeup, her wedding ring, and her small home business, all of which are mentioned to drive home the idea that she is not unlike anyone else. Wang was told she would be speaking to a “group of ‘high-functioning schizophrenics’” (45) and decided to tell her story differently than usual. She described her experiences in detail, including her mother’s denial of her illness and losing a job she loved. The talk moved the audience, and Wang drives home the importance of hope that one can change and improve.

In the conclusion of her essay, Wang recounts a second talk that day, which she gave to an audience of clinicians. She recalls feeling intimidated and being reminded of her time in the psychiatric hospital: “Rarely did I experience such a radical and visceral imbalance of power as I did as a psychiatric patient amid clinicians who knew me only as illness in human form” (57). During this second talk, Wang spoke more eloquently and emphasized her education, research, and career. Because of this, she managed to fool the audience into thinking she was “normal.”

Wang recounts her experiences in a psychiatric hospital at Yale. She observed two women with schizophrenia who were treated differently than other patients; they were isolated from group therapy, and their concerns were rarely taken seriously. Wang asserts that a sort of hierarchy forms in these settings, both among the patients and by the nurses and doctors, based on a patient’s level of functionality. Patients at the bottom of the rung are those with schizophrenia, and they are given only basic care, expected never to recover.

Wang describes her own disorder as “high-functioning” but unpredictable, and when the illness strikes, it leaves her “low-functioning.” Because she is able to work, she is seen this way by others as well. Wang admits that she feels unsettled around those with the same disorder but who cannot function at the same level, as she does not “want to be lumped in with the screaming man on the bus, or the woman who claims that she’s the reincarnation of God” (51). She feels a sense of shame over this, knowing she is more like them than she wants to admit, and that her feelings ultimately add to the stigma. She notes that her love of fashion and her previous career in the industry allows her to pass as “normal” more than many of her counterparts. Wang began her fashion blog, Fashion for Writers, in 2007 before passing it off to a friend. Wang has mixed feelings when people compliment her for this, knowing that there is a veiled insult somewhere underneath. She knows, too, that there are times she cannot hide her disorder, no matter how she dresses.

The overall prognosis (long-term outcome) of schizophrenia depends on a variety of factors, many of which require social support. NIMH created an initiative called “Recovery After an Initial Schizophrenia Episode (RAISE)” (52) to determine how early intervention for people first experiencing psychosis could improve their prognosis. This intervention includes employment and education support, family education and support, therapy, medication, and perhaps most importantly, the involvement of the patient in their own treatment plan.

Wang considers her acceptance into Yale University one of her proudest moments. She was born to Taiwanese immigrants who moved to California with very little. Her parents instilled the importance of education in her, and Wang excelled in writing from a young age. When she entered high school, she had thoughts of suicide, and her mother suggested they end their lives together; Wang did not see the disturbing nature of this answer until years later. Moving East for school was always her dream, particularly to escape her chaotic home.

Wang was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after displaying signs of mania and self-destructive behavior. At Yale, she started seeing a therapist-psychiatrist at the Yale Department of Mental Hygiene but did not seem to improve. Simultaneously, a world opened up to Wang during this time, and she learned about herself, other people, relationships, and more. She also met her future husband. When some friends warned her that the Yale Department of Mental Hygiene sent people to the psychiatric ward for small problems, Wang realized something was not quite right.

Wang shares an anecdote describing a woman known as the Shakespeare Lady, who panhandled on campus and whose mental health seemed to degrade over the years. Wang worried she would end up like her, and this fear follows her currently.

She talked to a student at another unnamed college who, after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, felt as though her life was falling apart. She ended up attempting suicide, and when it was reported, a female officer came to investigate. The officer demanded that everyone reveal their wrists, and when this student refused, she was thrown down, pinned, and hospitalized.

Wang notes that this story does not surprise her. One spring, Wang went through a period of mania and then depression. She found out from a blood test that her doctor was prescribing a dosage of a drug called Depakote that was too low to be effective. Thinking about suicide, Wang went for help and was sent to the Yale Psychiatric Institute. The doctor ordered her to live with her mother on campus for the remainder of the year, and the time they spent together was better than Wang expected. Still, Wang recalls this time of her life as truly jarring. She wonders if there is a “true self” inside of her, or if her disorder is just who she is: “There may be no impeccable self to reach and if I continue to struggle toward one, I might go mad in the pursuit” (71).

After being hospitalized a second time, Wang was asked to leave Yale immediately, and her father flew in from China to help. After blogging about her experience, Wang found that it was a common one among students across the country, apparently due to liability concerns. Several advocacy groups have sprouted in recent years to address the neglect and rejection that students with mental illnesses face from these institutions. When Wang recovered and applied for readmission, she was coldly denied.