Today Tonight Tomorrow

“Delilah Park is the person who makes me think my journal scribbles could be something someday.”

Romance novelist Delilah Park has had a huge impact on Rowan’s life. In particular, her work has inspired Rowan to become a romance novelist herself. While Rowan is still frozen by her fear of judgment and vulnerability, and weighed down by The Pressure to Live Up to Others’ Expectations, Delilah’s work makes her feel seen, valued, and hopeful that her dream is attainable.

“These days, I have to hide most of my reading.”

Rowan sheds light on the fact that she has long felt ashamed of her passion for romance novels. She feels the need to physically hide her books from her friends and family, which demonstrates that this shame is deep-seated and active in her day-to-day life.

“I don’t go here anymore, but I can’t bring myself to leave.”

This quote shows Rowan contending with the fact that her high school career is officially over. Though she is excited for her new life ahead, Rowan is also experiencing bouts of uncertainty and doubt. This quote illustrates that Rowan is unsure who she will be once she leaves high school, and she is hesitant to find out.

“I am sick of being alone in my love for romance novels.”

Rowan is motivated to attend Delilah’s book signing not only to see her favorite author but also to meet other fans like herself. She is tired of being ostracized because of her passion for romance novels. Rowan is eager to meet likeminded peers who will make her feel a sense of literary community.

“But I do want something big and wild, something that fills my heart completely.”

Inspired by the pages of her favorite romance novels, Rowan longs for an authentic and passionate romance. She has yet to experience that in her life, and she is hopeful that she will experience it soon.

“I don’t know how to explain to him that the longer I stay in the game, the longer I remain in high school, the longer I don’t have to face the reality that I didn’t turn into the person my fourteen-year-old self wanted to be.”

This quote reflects The Difficult Experience of Growing Up and Embracing Change, something Rowan still struggles with at this point in the narrative. For her, Howl is about more than beating Neil. It is her final high school activity, and given that she is reluctant to leave high school, so too is she reluctant to lose the game. Though she will no longer attend classes, Howl is her last opportunity to spend time with her classmates and feel “normal” before her life completely changes.

“Neil McNair is Jewish, and there’s that tug in my chest, the one I feel when I learn I share a religion with someone.”

Discovering that Neil is Jewish is a major revelation for Rowan, who is also Jewish. Having spent most of her life feeling othered by her peers and community, Rowan feels relieved and comforted by the fact that she has found someone to bond with over their shared experiences as Jewish people.

“I’ve never seen him like this.”

This quote marks a major turning point in Rowan and Neil’s relationship. When he tells her about his father and cries, she feels instantly closer to him. Seeing a side of him she has never seen before softens her to Neil, making her realize that he is so much more than simply the rival she thought he was.

“This is what breaks my heart most of all: that he thinks he needs to use the prize money for someone who’s been awful to him.”

Hearing about Neil’s father endears Rowan to him even more. She feels terrible that Neil has had to deal with the trauma of having an unstable, abusive father, thereby drawing her closer to him emotionally. Rowan feels deeply for Neil and cannot fathom the idea that he must use the prize money on someone who hurts him.

“I can’t keep playing Howl just for myself.”

Hearing Neil talk about his father and his financial situation makes Rowan determined to win Howl. Though she has been playing to win up until now, Neil’s story makes her realize that she wants to win Howl for Neil instead.

“It’s clear things have changed between us.”

After spending most of the day with Neil, getting to know him on a deeper level, Rowan realizes that their relationship is not what it was when the day began. They have more of an emotional connection, and their relationship no longer revolves around competing with one another. This revelation is significant as it leads Rowan to realize that she may be developing romantic feelings for Neil.

“Even after his mini romance-novel spiel at dinner, this signing is something I have to experience on my own.”

Though Rowan now knows that Neil supports her romance novel aspirations, she is still eager to attend the book signing alone. It is an important event for her, and she does not want Neil’s presence to make her self-conscious or wary. This quote also demonstrates how alone Rowan has felt in her love of the romance genre.

“This conversation makes me regret, just a little, that we weren’t friends.”

Rowan first expresses remorse about being rivals with Neil for so long. Getting to know him better throughout the day has forced her to realize that they were compatible all along.

“But tonight, it feels spooky. It doesn’t feel like my school.”

Sneaking into the high school to return her overdue library books marks a turning point for Rowan. It is at this point that she realizes that high school is really over—being in the school after hours and in the dark makes her view it from a whole new perspective.

“Time. That’s what I’ve been chasing all day, this notion that after tonight, after graduation, none of us will be in the same city again.”

Rowan still struggles with the notion that her high school days have come to an end. She cannot help but wish that she had more time—more time with her friends, and more time to relish in the experience altogether.

“The truth is, I’m having more fun with him than I’ve had in a while.”

After spending the day with Neil, Rowan realizes how fun it is to hang out with him. This realization is a testament to their compatibility, both as friends and potential romantic partners. Rowan realizes in this moment that despite their competitive past, she genuinely enjoys being around Neil.

“Theoretically, I want to share my work. I want to fully own this thing I want to spend my life doing. I want to not care when people call it a guilty pleasure, or have the courage to convince them why they’re wrong.”

Rowan expresses her desire to freely share her writing without feeling self-conscious at all. Though she is eager to grow as a writer, she knows that her fear of being vulnerable is holding her back. Letting Go of Fear and Embracing the Unknown is the only way to move forward and proudly pursue her passion.

“Sometimes I think about them before I go to sleep, then dream about them. Telling Neil about them feels like I’m telling him about my imaginary friends.”

Rowan is deeply invested in the lives of the two main characters of the novel she is working on. Neil is the first and only person she talks to about them, which suggests that she trusts him enough to be vulnerable in sharing something that she is typically secretive of.

“While I was so focused on destroying him, I missed so much.”

Rowan realizes that she has missed out on having a great friend in Neil all these years. They spent all their time together competing when they could have grown closer and enjoyed each other’s company, as they have been all day.

“It was a rush unlike anything I’ve experience, getting to read my words in front of people.”

After sharing her writing with others for the first time, Rowan feels renewed and inspired to do it more often. The fact that she is received well by her peers gives her the confidence boost she has needed all along.

“Bit by bit, today forced me out of my comfort zone.”

At the end of the day, Rowan realizes how much she has grown in the span of several hours. Getting closer to Neil, sharing her writing with others, and telling her parents she is writing a romance novel are all things she never thought would occur. These events, though sometimes uncomfortable, help Rowan to evolve.

“Now I’m even more certain why I couldn’t picture him kissing anyone else: because it was always supposed to be like this. With us.”

Rowan finally admits to herself that she is romantically interested in Neil. This realization is significant as it brings their story with one another full circle.

“Maybe this is how I’m supposed to say goodbye to high school: not with an arbitrary list or a preconceived notion of the way things are supposed to be, but by realizing we’re actually better together.”

Rowan’s realization that she and Neil should be together serves as a reminder that her idea of a perfect high school experience at 14 is nothing like reality. In fact, Rowan realizes in this moment that her current reality is actually so much better than the situation that her 14-year-old self dreamed up.